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a stream of consciousness #1

 

today I wonder if emotions or love can be measured. 

I wonder if you ever loved me

and wonder where I will end up in this life, 

maybe I will work in a strip club.

not as a dancer though, 

it will be my job to stand somewhere that represents everything god despises.

or maybe I will end up in a hospital,

not as a patience with cancer or heart conditions

but as someone who is too crazy to function

or is to tranquilized to build a new life anymore.

or maybe, I will meet another mediocre guy

whom I will think I am in love with just because he hugged me once

and told me about his philosophies of life.

I will marry that guy within a month and move to a small village.

I might stop planting blue violets then,

 if he doesn't find another one that is.

or maybe I will end up cramped over

next to the tall buildings of New York City

blood filled with whatever drug is cheap those days

knowing very well that I am taking my last breaths.

In any scenario possible, I will keep wondering if I was ever deserving of the lust that god granted me.




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