life being;

 

life is those moments when you feel sorrow. when you doubt yourself, it all feels so real. when you question yourself it is such a familiar feeling. and when you wonder why you are so alone in this big big old world with loads of people in it, you find the answer being that none of those people are willing to love you. life is that feeling you get when it is pouring outside if you are a person who adores rainy days, but there is such a strong wind that now you are cold and uncomfortable... but you love rain. the thin line between rationalism and pessimism seems to disappear to my eyes lately. I have finally found the one thing that drives a person crazy. Loneliness. It is the thing that makes you look at the mirror twice before going out. And when a person gets used to it, lord must help them first because they will get through hell as they live. Getting used to being unwanted and not being cared for, getting used to being tossed around and played with... What life isn't, is not being able to feel the notes of a beautiful piece piercing through your heart as you hear them. A piece like Gymnopédie No. 1 is a piece that is very sharp, capable to pierce through your heart like an archer with glasses and rather long hair. If you feel your heart shattering as you listen to it, you are alive. Because what you are feeling is heavy. Do not call it sorrow, do not call it peace and certainly most do not call it happiness. Call it feeling dark and heavy. You feel so deeply that there is no way it isn't real, not the type of feeling you can ever get in a dream or get when you are disassociating. But who could have known that living itself is so tiring. Not talking about work, school, money, or whatever problem it is. Feeling, is so tiring. Yet feeling, is what life is all consistent of.